I am weak, but He is strong

So today I was feeling discouraged, beat down, well I guess you could say I was feeling sorry for myself and loathing in my own bath of self pity, although in my head it didn't seem unjustified or even selfish, but there I was or maybe still am, but thats besides the point.  In that moment of my weakness, I saw the Lord.  Not physically with my own eyes, it was just a whisper but it sounded like a scream.  He was there, with me, by my side speaking truth to the lies in my head, reassuring me that he has the control and power and that He always does and knows whats best.  Jesus likes to show himself in these circumstances, so I've seen.  Where we are weak, he is strong.  I've been reading Acts and one of the most amazing parts of this book that I've read thus far is when Stephen physically sees Jesus standing at the right hand of God.  And Stephen worships God even while he's dying and prays for the forgiveness of others.  God shows up in our weakness.  We can see him in weakness.  He's who we cling to in weakness.  So I've come to 2 questions in my head from this....

Aren't we always weak?  I mean I could probably tough out 30 girlie push ups and have been know to complete 75 burpees (once) but in my heart and my emotions and my control of this thing called life, I am weak... frail if you will.  My good and bad days wean and wade on a factor dependant on an exponential number of outliers that even my number craved brain refuses to attempt on my own.  I have no purpose in and of myself, therefore I am always weak, on my own.

Which begs the question: Why do I think I'm strong? or even: Why do I want to be?   Jesus is my life, in nothing else can I boast because things of this world will fade but he will remain.  I can't make myself breathe, I can make myself not breathe for a couple minutes or possibly, though never trialed, I could make myself not breathe unto the point I pass out and something else causes me to breathe anyway.  Something outside of my control, controls me.  I am not strong, but when I think I'm strong, I  don't see Jesus nearly as much.  He's there, I just don't look at him or when I do it's to tell him I've got it all under control. Which 99.9% of the time is not the case, which he knows but I don't, so he stays around.  He waits for outlier number 4,372 to come jolting out of left field, and perfectly shattering my control into an obliterated mess, He stands there waiting for me to see Him. Some how, seeing him makes it all better.  For some reason, knowing Him as God, the ultimate source of control and yet still Abba Father, daddy, makes it all peace, joy, grace.  So if this is what I get from weakness, why be strong?  Stephen boasted in Christ alone unto his death and in this weakness, he got to see Jesus and his mighty power, perfect plan, standing waiting to call him home.  Paul, who by the way encounters Jesus and his power a couple chapters later causing a radical transformation from dark to light (read it!) could not have said it better in 2 Cor 9.  He is pleading with the Lord about something causing him to be weak and the Lord said to him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  So Paul responds with, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 

I pray for faith that trusts Jesus at his word that his grace is sufficient and that his power is perfected in weakness.... I am weak, I want to be weak and see Jesus be power.  He does it so much better than I could ever dream of.